3 Biggest Software Lies

I ran across the following quote today and thought it was pretty funny…

3 Biggest Software Lies:

1. The program’s fully tested and bug-free
2. We’re working on the documentation
3. Of course we can modify it!

Do you have any other items to add to the above list? If so, please share them in the comments :)

"We try to solve the problem by rushing through the design process so that enough time is left at the end of the project to uncover the errors that were made because we rushed through the design process." by Glenford J. Myers

"Code Complete: A Practical Handbook of Software Construction" by Steve C McConnell, ISBN: 1556154844, page: 143

"Considering the current sad state of our computer programs, software development is clearly still a black art, and cannot yet be called an engineering discipline." --Bill Clinton

Production Down

"When production is down seconds tick by like the pounding of a lambeg drum!" --Elijah Manor

Production Deployment

“The period approaching a big production deployment is filled with hours of testing boredom interrupted by frantic moments of shear terror when an unsightly issue creeps from the glooming defect abyss.” –Elijah Manor

Spanish Words

"The Spanish language is only the spelling out of English words. For example, if you spell socks (S-O-C-K-S) it means, "That's what it is!". The only reason I can't speak Spanish is that I can't spell to save my life." --Elijah Manor

Free Wifi

"The hunt for local free wifi must be akin to a lion prowling for wildebeest." --Elijah Manor

Summer Day

"After a long hot summer day, a .NET developer jumps into the refreshing AppPool and opens a tonic bottle of iisreset." --Elijah Manor

Bad Memory

"It turns out that I'm not always right. I just have a bad memory." --Elijah Manor

Seat Belt

"Some people think they have the need to buckle their seat belt, but I always say, 'There is nothing like the feeling of flying through the windshield on a brisk spring morning.'" --Elijah Manor

Spare Tire

"If I were made out of rubber, the spare tire around my midsection could rescue you from a horrendous vehicular disaster." --Elijah Manor

Friend

"A friend isn't a friend unless you can depend on him to not pretend his befriendment, otherwise, they are a fiend and should descend to a foreign land." --Elijah Manor

Birthday Cake

"If it was your birthday and you were sitting on the ceiling would it be appropriate to serve upside down cake, or would that be too down to earth?" --Elijah Manor

Office Pranks

"All of my office pranks have raised their ugly heads and attached themselves to my workstation. They have a new leader and his name is Kent." --Elijah Manor

"What's the story? First you tell us One Class, One Responsibility, and now you are giving us a pattern with two responsibilities in one class. The Composite Pattern manages a hierarchy AND it performs operations related to Menus." --Head First Design Patterns

"There comes a time when we must refactor our code in order for it to grow. To not do so would leave us with rigid, inflexible code that has no hope of ever sprouting new life." --Head First Design Patterns

"With you as my Proxy, I'll be able to triple the amount of lunch money I can extract from friends!" --Head First Design Patterns: The Proxy Pattern

"At the beach, the Real Programmer is the one drawing flowcharts in the sand." --Unknown

"At a party, the Real Programmers are the ones in the corner talking about operating system security and how to get around it." --Unknown

"Real Programmers like Arithmetic IF statements-- they make the code more interesting." --Unknown